Knowing Self

The Importance of Knowing Self

Having an understanding of one’s self is vitally important in life. The key to happiness, peace and security is to know what makes you tick.

You need to have an intimate relationship with yourself, I know it sounds absurd, but, many of us know what food we like, what movies and games we enjoy, our favourite colour, and what type of people we like being around.

However this is a superficial knowing of self, you need to go down much deeper and find out exactly what you stand for, what are your values and beliefs, what is your “True North”, what guides you down this path called life?

Getting to Know You

You see, before you can communicate, interact, lead, guide and respect others. Before you can achieve, grow and become successful in whatever you do, you need to get a handle on “You” you need to know, how you will react to things like, frustration, rejection, disappointment and the emotions of success and failure, this will inevitably determine whether you will succeed or fail.

If you ask someone who they are, they will normally respond with things like; “I’m Mark” or “I’m a plumber, a student or a doctor” but these descriptions do not say who you are.

Who you are, is based upon an Identity of your internal belief system. These belief systems, whether good or bad, beautiful or ugly, true or false are based upon concepts that you have learned and made your own throughout the years of growing up and living on this planet.

The saying goes like this “the concept you accept as true is the concept that controls you” Yes, this is what you are all about, it is this that will ultimately determine and control your behaviour.

This is who you are; you are a product of your own belief system. Let’s ask the question again, who are you? “I am a man who stands by his word, is honest and upright, I respect the opinions and beliefs of others, I am compassionate and empathetic to those in need, am slow to speak and quick to listen and believe in the freedom of choice” Wow! Now that’s someone who knows who he is, he has an identity that is unique to him; he has nothing to prove – because he knows who he is!

What Motivates & Excites You?

So, before you can get the world to respond to your needs and wants, you need to understand what it is that makes you excited and motivated.

Are you focused, or are you just floating around, hoping that something will happen?

Are you within the audience, or are you on the stage?

Are you a follower, or a leader?

Once again, for you to understand and know yourself, is to know how you will behave and react in a given situation – this is the GREATEST and most PROLIFIC KNOWLEDGE you will ever have – knowing this, will give you the confidence, the assurance and peace of mind that will guide you to a higher life.

Your success or failure will follow your actions – The Right Actions If… You Know You!

Have a look at the following and then test yourself.

How do you relate to the following questions?

  • Do you understand why you do what you do, or do you just act on impulse? (impulsive behavior)
  • Do you want something because others have it, or is it based upon a real need? (envy is not rational)
  • Do you know what leadership is, or do you just want to be in charge – get the glory and the shine? (ego, arrogance, pride and narcissism)
  • Can you accept disagreements, or does it escalate into an argument?
  • Do you avoid confrontation; do you say “Yes” when you actually mean “No”?
  • Are you able to share and work as a team, or are you a loner?
  • Can you make decisions or are you afraid of failure?
  • Do you have follow – through, or do you hope it will just happen?
  • Do you give-up easily?
  • Do you take short cuts to success at the expense of honesty and integrity?

Do any of the questions touch a sensitive nerve with you, if so, that’s great. One of the first steps in learning about self is awareness, because the next logical step to awareness is acknowledgement!

Remember, you can only change that which you are aware of and have acknowledged!

Becoming more aware, as well as understanding why you do what you do, and learning to control your emotions will help you achieve greater results in life.

What Do You Value?

To begin we need to learn:-

  • What is important to you and others
  • Take responsibility for your emotional state
  • Teach your mind to become more focused and solution orientated
  • Uncover and deal with any limiting and suspect beliefs

Your values should guide you to what’s important

What you value determines what life means to you. When you do not know your own values, or you are disengaged from them – you become unmotivated.

You need to re-connect and get properly aligned to your values.

Find out what motivates you.

Spend just a few moments thinking about some activities in your life that really excited you. They should be things that really mattered to you at that time, and also gave you great satisfaction.

Then answer the following:-

  • Which activities gave you the greatest sense of satisfaction?
  • What skills or abilities did you most like using?
  • Why did you like using them?
  • Do you notice any patterns in the list of things that mattered to you?

Now think about what motivates you in different areas of your life, e.g. work, relationships, family etc.

What values do your hold in your heart about these areas of your life?

Balance in your life will enable you to give attention to all areas of your life.

Once you have learned to Balance your priorities, you will become more motivated, as well as become an inspiration to others.

Mark Csabai

Mark Csabai is an NLP Life Coach in Bloemfontein, South Africa. He works with clients in and around the Free State to help them achieve more, manage stress, build self-worth, increase confidence, overcome fears and help maintain a better life-balance.